Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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