my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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