Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
