I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
