I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
