You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
