Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
