Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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