You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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