I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
