What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
