i think my mom watched the whole time
no, he came in my armpit
time to smoke my breakfast
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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