her vagina looked like bernie madoff
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
