I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
