Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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