Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Two words: blizzard sex
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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