ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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