yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
