If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
please don't ironically join a cult
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