You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
