I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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