IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
