i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
operation harelip BJ is a go
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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