Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
