Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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