yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
