Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
