I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
