If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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