In America we eat man semen.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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