youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
