i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
