I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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