here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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