when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
