I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just had sex on a roof
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?