hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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