that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?