oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!