We won't sleep together?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more