I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?