Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.