I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize