Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
