If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Is it penis luge time yet?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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