just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
