so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
