i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
