The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
