i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
