At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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