Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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