Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
