I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
