I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
