one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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