I could have mohawked her pubes.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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