Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Randomize
