omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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