I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
