my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
