I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
