You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
