I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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