the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
