drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
