My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
