I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
