Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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