i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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