She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
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But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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