my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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