this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
