Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
