If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
