My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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