so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
