Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He? As in you personified your dick?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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