You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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