i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My dad just said "fuck circus"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
