Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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