I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
